It’s happened, Florida’s cultural zeitgeist has become so massive and entangled that it’s begun to collide in odd ways. Inspired by the states recent facial gourmand,Rudy Eugene, Vitaly Zdorovetskiy, a 20 year old prankster, has taken to Florida’s streets in an attempt to ride that beautiful comedy wave of fake zombie attacks over panic stricken black people.
[Rudy Eugene, 31, was shot and killed by police as he chewed the face of Ronald Poppo, 65, May 26]
On a side note Rudy Eugene’s autopsy showed no sing of human flesh having been digested, there was also no toxicology report or documentation in anyway linked to bath salts, or even any hearsay that he had been linked to the drug but there’s no need to let facts get in the way of a good headline. Although perhaps New York Daily News’ article “Bath salts: Officials say the synthetic drug in disguise was behind recent ‘cannibal’ attack” could have more apply been title “Bath salts: Officials say sometimes bad things that happen might or might not have absolutely anything to do with completely unexplained face chewing”
In the video, featured in the link above,Vitaly Zdorovetskiy dawns an impressive zombie costume with an even more impressive growl, he lurches and jogs towards local black people, mostly young men and all who watch laugh hysterically as they run the fuck away. In an interview with Tosh.0, when asked if he had chosen to attack black people specifically, he stated that he had tried going after white people but they “didn’t give me any reactions, they were just standing around laughing”. On more then one occasion however the prank came dangerously close to going wrong and he even found a gun pulled on him at one point. Luckily cooler heads prevailed and even in the worst situation when he had been chased by a gang of young men at a basketball court he explained the prank and they all had a good laugh, according to Vitaly they even offered him a crack rock afterwards, and people say there’s no community spirit anymore.
This story did not go unreported but what did not get asked was what would have happened had those young men not had the calm and possibly good nature that they did. Had he been gunned down on the concrete would his assailant have been standing his ground? With the Trayvon Martin/ George Zimmerman case hanging in Florida’s ether I can’t help but wonder if a black gangster gunned down a white 20 year old in the street, only to tell police that he had been standing his ground against the encroaching zombie, would it have gone over quite as well as George’s excuse? Perhaps, perhaps not but more importantly it makes me think of the role that panic plays in our actions.
The thing about the Zimmerman case is that whatever the result, the law itself will remain unscathed, simply because if Zimmerman is convicted it will simply serve as proof that the law did not apply to his case. It will be nothing more then an acceptance of the fact that following children with a gun in your pocket can hardly be dubbed self protection but the interesting thing about the zombie scenario is that it is, for all intents and purposes an example of self defense, ridiculous as fuck but self defense.
What the stand your ground law does is turn crimes of passion or panic into justifiable homicide. It allows us to forgive people by accepting the notion that in times of crises men and women must be forgiven for acts of weakness or acts that were poorly calculated but what this does not take into account is that this would all be a none-issue without guns. So everybody you have my word, the Rudy Eugenes of the world aside, no one is going to try and eat your face, leave your guns at home (locked if you have kids please).